Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
