I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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