Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
