I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
