he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
