There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's an acceptable place to lick
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize