Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
