Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
