i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize