The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
