someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
