So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize