i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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