I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
