You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
