The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
