I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
