I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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