your thong is hanging out like whoa
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
