I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
