i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
