My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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