i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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