time to smoke my breakfast
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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