I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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