Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
