Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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