hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
