so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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