I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
