I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
