i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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