Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
