I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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