White coat. Heels.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
