i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
