I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize