I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i will never coherently bang her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize