you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
