The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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