I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
