Just fell off a train. Bad.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
