at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
