dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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