i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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