apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's get the cat blown out
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
