Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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