i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize