"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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