the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
