i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found the puke drawer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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