Where is the hickey?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
