I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
