Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize