what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize