I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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