So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize