i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
