no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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