he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
