when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
