Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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