dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
