someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
