It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
