Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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