You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
