Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
