he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
