you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
