I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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